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What happens when you finally learn to say NO

 “Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

Transcription of video

Let’s start by talking about why you say “Yes” so often. Generally speaking, we are social beings who like to be liked, we like to fit in and to feel as though we belong somewhere. We all want our tribe.

We have a psychological need to form social attachments and these attachments provide us with companionship, love, support and a sense of belonging somewhere that we can feel safe and protected as opposed to alone, isolated, excluded, rejected or unloved.

Have those words touched a nerve? ….Do you say” yes”, when what you really want to say is no? ……Do say yes because you fear rejection? Are you worried about what others would think if you said no and stopped pandering to their needs? Are you afraid that you will no longer be liked or loved?

Saying “yes” all the time ….does not buy you more love. In fact, if you have developed that belief then you have an issue of not feeling as though you’re enough so you go out of your way to please others.

Have you considered that you might be in the wrong tribe? Set yourself free of the opinions of others because what others think of you is not your business. Their opinions come from their own filters and views of the world.

The fact is if you don’t honour and value yourself then chances are that no-one else will honour and value you either. You’ll just be everyone’s girl Friday.

Frustration, resentment and feeling unappreciated will likely set in….. and you’ll find yourself bitching about them, you’ll become angry, all stressed out, you’ll lose your personal power …and that’s like drinking a cup of poison so you’ll probably make yourself sick…..but chances are that you’ll still smile and say “sure……..yes…..even if your head is screaming no, no, no”

Where did this stem from? Could it be that you’ve always had a need to please? Have you always done this to keep people in your life happy or to simply keep them in your life? Could it be that as a child you were taught that saying no was impolite or inappropriate?

There’s a huge difference between need and want – let me explain. When you feel you need to do something for others, when you say yes when you really want to say no it costs you an enormous amount of personal power, it depletes your energy reserves.

On the other hand, when you do something because you want to, it gives you energy, it makes you feel good because the doing and giving is from your truth, from your heart. You are being in the doing.

Feeling you need to, has to go. Underlying this as with most of our emotional issues is a feeling of not being good enough because if you truly felt as though you were good enough all of those fears I mentioned earlier wouldn’t be there. If you felt that you were good enough you wouldn’t worry about what others thought, you wouldn’t feel the need to please, you wouldn’t be afraid of losing someone just because you honoured yourself and said no.

In fact, if the person truly loves and appreciates you then they won’t stop just because you said no and if they do….well my friend they aren’t your friend. The most important approval comes from within. Honour it. It’s time to let them go and surround yourself with people who value you.

You can choose to set yourself free of that need to please and the feeling of not being good enough. And it can be done easily. The most important thing is that it’s cleared from the root cause, the moment in time that it was created. As with most of our unconscious programs it usually stems from a moment in time prior to the age 6 or 7. I’ll drop in a shameless plug here…. Feel free to contact me to see how CTC – the 2hr life Transforming Combined Therapy Cocktail can help you finally be free of all that holds you back.

So what starts to happen when you finally say “no?”

When you honour yourself and do what feels right for you, the first thing that you will notice is a sense of relief and that sense of relief gives you a feeling of finally being free of those self-imposed shackles and beliefs that had you losing so much of your personal power.

You will have reclaimed your power and energy and  …… here’s the interesting thing.. you will find that you have the energy and the desire to be more, do more and help more. You will start to realise that in fact, you can be connected to this unlimited source and rather than giving from you this beautiful energy comes through you, so that as you give you receive. You are constantly replenished from source.

In fact an affirmation I give all of my students and many clients is “What I do is not from me but through me” ………..What I do is not from me but through me…….how powerful is that. Try it. I assure you, you never have to feel depleted again. Everything, where you are at and how your life looks right now is a result of a thought you once had. When you change your mind, you change your body and you change your life.

You will come to realise that true happiness and freedom does not come from the approval of others. It’s an inside job and living in greatness is not about the stuff or the looks or achievements but rather your willingness to love and be loved, your desire to give, to share, to be humble, to grow, to inspire and most of all to live by example.

You were born to be you, in all of your glory.

So choose to say what you mean….just don’t say it mean.

If you’re feeling stuck and need help in healing your past, living more fully in the present and creating the future you desire then feel free to contact me for a free 15min chat to see how I can best help you. You can find out more about myself and CTC the therapy I founded 20yrs ago at 

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